It happens every year. Another 365 days pass, and that point in time comes back around that remarks a new age. Today is my birthday. My skin and bones have carried me through 25 years of life, and this day I met 26. I think this the first year that I actually do feel different on my birthday. It kind of scares me, because that means change is present. I’ve felt it creeping up, but it took a birthday to take a step back and dissect the current content of my life. Some things I expected, but others didn’t.
As simple as I can write all in my head here is what make me happy the most right now. You know… that almost these two years I never write my journal properly. I just simply wrote down random things about quote and planner or sometimes rough note about reviewing a book.
It has been long time I do not follow my own prompt. So it feels, I didn’t sense my originality of words and thoughts. It’s lke when I read an article or book then I found something that realate to me. Yes it just RELATE. But to finding something through the process of my own thinking, it was rare.
Tahun lalu, sejak pertama kali melihat sampulnya, I have no idea what was this novel about. Tapi dari banyaknya buku ini berkeliaran di feeds instagram dengan tagar khasnya #bookstagram saya berkesimpulan: sepertinya karya kedua dari Jandy Nelson ini sedang banyak digemari saat itu.
Sebelum saya memutuskan untuk membelinya saya tidak sempat membaca satu pun review tentang novel karya penulis yang pernah meraih penghargaan Michael L. Printz Award dan Stonewall Honor untuk karyanya yang satu ini. Hanya saja dengan membaca caption-caption singkat berisi kutipan dari novelnya sendiri, lumayan membuat saya tertarik.
Oftentimes, the complexity of life makes us need plenty of things. In the journeys, we find that our need keep upgrading in every phase of our life. But, occasionally a certain need of ours perhaps is not necessary for other people, but for us, it means so much. Or maybe for us, “something” is just a trivial matter, but for the other it is a must-do or must-get.
Moreover, we ever feel squarely that something is barely has little importance but we somewhat remain unchanged that it is quite worthwhile investment to earn as soon as possible. In this state, the mind gets caught up in confusion, so vague that we quite difficult to make decision what is to do or do not at the moment. “Is this something I really need or merely something I want?”
I do feel less worry than the past two years I’ve been through. After received many kind of bad circumstances, fell weak in the knees, sank into mental darkness, untill I had s**c***l thought that sickening me off back then… I am now more comfortable with who I am. Feel more grateful, and a little more smile.
When people around you turned out to be able to accept you, for being who you are with all of your flaw, but they still remain got your back. That is the time when I feel alive and relieved. I feel content. Knowing that they still stick by my side, even though I’ve failed the most most failed in my life. So I think “O, I’m grateful that I have them.”